Interviewing a Crazy Man

YKB: This is indeed a pleasure.

JDM: Thanks.

YKB: For starters…why a blog? Do you really have that much on your mind? Further, do you really think people are that interested in hearing it?

JDM: (laughing) Well, there is a method behind the madness with the blog thing. The blog is really not meant to be a blog. It is really a way to keep me on track for something bigger.

I don’t know how many people are interested in hearing what I have to say. I will say this: I have learned that blogs are like magazines. For every official subscriber, there are three to four other people who read it. I didn’t realize that until I got angry emails regarding one post from folk that more people were reading than those whose photos were to the left of the blog…

YKB: What post was that?

JDM: The one about the dad who was in jail.

YKB: Why was that a big deal?

JDM: I don’t know. If I had written something on how bad a guy he was, then perhaps I would have received laudatory emails. That’s part of what fuels me. There is stuff that we, as a people, as a society, as humans, believe that down deep, we know isn’t true. Like the blog I wrote about Black women. The real ones that guys are loving, marrying and making babies with. I think I said something about guys watching Beyonce but getting down with Oprah.

Now, there are people who say, ‘Hey, I look like most of the other sistas out there. Why don’t I have someone? This guy is talking out the side of his neck. Brothas just want somebody like Beyonce…’ Is it that, or do they just want someone who is not going to give them a bunch of headache because they have control issues? Jam Donaldson, who I think is a very attractive woman, by the way, wrote “Maybe it’s not because you’re successful, maybe you have turned into a hardened, disenchanted, cynic who is annoyed that fat broke women with two kids can get a man easier than you.” I mean, down deep, sooner or later, when we gonna admit it’s us? Individuals? You the reason you miserable, and you can control that. You know better. We all do.

YKB: Something you always believed?

JDM: No. Something I learned after I filed for divorce.

YKB: Can that process be amicable?

JDM: I doubt it. I don’t get the whole “let’s be friends after divorce” thing. We can be friendly, especially where the children are involved. I don’t lie to myself though. For someone, especially a man, to go through the headache of initiating a divorce and knowing from jump you are going to lose everything, that person must have been on something that makes you not want to befriend them later. It doesn’t matter when they apologize, or how many years thereafter they call on your anniversary…wait, now isn’t that crazy? My attitude is leave well enough alone. Move on. You can control how much craziness you have in your life, if you are willing to pay the price.

YKB: Aside from personal stuff. You write of …be up front. What is this problem you have with Black leadership?

JDM: I was at Trinity some years back, and Reverend Wright…yes, THAT Reverend Wright, who I personally think is one of the most dynamic preachers out there, asked a question to the congregation: “Who the white leader? Who the Latin leader? Who the Chinese leader? Why we the only people in America got to have a leader?”

I mean, it makes me feel like we’re little kids or something, playing Martian. “Take me to your leader.” OK. Choose one. You will usually find them presiding over and advising tons of people whose personal and financial situations are far removed from their leadership. And it’s like pimping. Tell people what they want to hear. Obama said “Put down the 40s and fried chicken”, and one so called leader got mad. “Who he think he is? Tellin’negroes how to act?”People say “Black Leadership” and I cringe. Makes me think of WC Fields. “Never give a sucker an even break.”

There are some men and women out there that are selflessly doing what they can to improve the plight of folk who are suffering. I can dig that. I understand the premise of using the power of the media to call attention to your problems. I can dig that. And Lord, I know we are all human, and people who have done great things for humanity have been flawed. There’s just something, I don’t know, outdated, and dare I say, mercenary, about the concept of Black leadership. Hell. Let’s just get some Black unity, and let the leader thing rest.

YKB: Let’s switch tracks. You are a lifelong Chicagoan?

JDM: Kinda. I was born and raised in Chicago ‘til my early teens. My dad is not a big fan of city living, never was. He made the money; he wanted to move…we moved out to the middle of nowhere then. Like most suburbanites, you claim the closest city. My last year of college and my first years working, I lived in downtown Chicago. I moved a bit further south to Hyde Park after that, but never figured on returning to the suburbs.

YKB: What happened?

JDM: Got married. Wife wanted to move to the burbs. So we moved. After my divorce, I toyed with moving back to the city, but I don’t know. Chicago and I have a weird relationship. I have lived in Manhattan, I lived in Florida, I was a corporate traveler at one time, so I did stints in a lot of cities…for a big, American city, Chicago is by far one of the nicest.

YKB: So what’s the problem?

JDM: Chicago is like a woman that you know you don’t need to be with. She is attractive and exciting, but underneath, she has some real character issues. I’m not perfect myself, but there is something about the city, if you don’t have a lot of money, if you aren’t connected, if you are just an everyday Joe trying to make it…Chicago will eat you up, spit you out, and have you coming back for more.

We have the only boss system of government for a big city in the country, to my knowledge. Politics here is a throwback to, no; it hasn’t changed, since the middle of the last century. A few of the police officers act as judge, jury and execution without impunity, and the majority, the good ones, back them up. That may be cops everywhere, but I don’t get that from suburban cops. In these small towns, they’re not just cops, but Josh, Bob, Nate. If you’re not in a monied area, you get screwed on city services. Yet there are people who cling to have a 606 ZIP code and argue that somehow, the abuses they suffer from bad schools, rogue cops and unsafe neighborhoods are normal. They’re not. You can control how much of that you will deal with. You can either have enough money to be above it, to be connected, or you can move somewhere else. Perhaps for women, it’s one thing. But as a man…

I’ve lived in the really nice areas and I have family in the other areas. Night and day, and it gets old to go visit your relatives and be confronted, a grown ass man, at every turn by people whose salaries you pay. I mean, city employees in Chicago are about the rudest lot anywhere. They don’t care. You, the taxpayer, don’t matter. Their brother in law got them the job. To hell with you. Life it too short for all of that.

I can’t lie. I am very much a suburbanite. I can’t identify with half of the headaches my urban brethren complain about, because my pops taught me early on: you are responsible for your happiness. If being in a big city makes you happy, be there and take the good with the bad. If you don’t like it, be somewhere else. Make it happen. My old man isn’t one to sit still and stand for bullshit. If he had to work five gigs to get what he wanted, so be it. If he had to go through you to do the same, hey, life is individual, and the individual he prioritized was him. When he became a father, that extended to his family. To hell with everyone else. It was a hell of a lesson.

YKB: OK. Tell us how you really feel. What’s next?

JDM: I have a manuscript that I hand wrote years ago and have been editing for a minute. I need to make time for that. I do. I am wrapping up a play. I have a 9 year old who is doing the 9 year old thing. That’s amazing to watch, but he is starting to require closer supervision than he has the last year or two. I am involved with an amazing woman with whom I hope to build a future. When I am not writing, it’s her fault. I’m in Michigan with her, when I should be working. Because I am not good at much else, I am back in school. A doctorate is a few years, but I have time.

YKB: Any advice for your readers?

JDM: Taking advice from me? You hard up.

YKB: Anything you’d just like to share?

JDM: Life is short, but it’s long enough to enjoy it. Take control of the things you can, live life to the fullest, and forget the rest. Remember that misery loves company. Few of us may get the perfect career or life or significant other, but we all have a shot at really enjoying the life we create for ourselves. Do what you can do to limit drama and just put one foot in front of the other. You’ll get there.

YKB: Last question? D.Addy?

JDM: (laughing) My rapping alter ego? He’ll be back. I think I got another essay about him somewhere in me before wrapping this up. Probably after he drops his next album, “Why You Give Me Gray Hair?”