Hatin' on the Modern Woman

If it’s one thing that does not bother me, it’s an independent woman.

I don’t care if you make more than I do. I don’t care that you have your own stuff, your own career, your own money, your own life. I applaud your for it, and should someone give you madness over it, forget them. Hey, in my single days you could have come to see me. I applaud achievment, espescially when it's cute and female.

The funny thing, there are some people who confuse the concept of “independent sexually free woman” with “skank.”

That never made much sense to me.

I am in my late thirties. Most of my buddies and I had moms that worked. We have had female bosses. What parts of higher education we remember, there were few Black folk in class, and even fewer Black guys. The idea of your body being yours to control is your business. We are still a bit fuzzy on why if you make a decision with your body, we have to pay for it for two decades, but Trojan has provided us with enough options to control that issue. The whole thing about political, social and economic equality doesn’t bother most of my guys. Me? I’m happy knowing that when I leave my wallet at home, Citibank has extended you more available credit than I can dream of having, and drinks and dinner are a freebee.

For most of the men that I know, as long as there are no double standards at play, then the idea of women being treated the same as men in the eyes of the law and society really doesn’t faze us.

In fairness, I cannot look at female friends who exercise the same social and sexual freedom that comes with independence any different than I look at my guys. Word of warning: I tend to look askance at my buddies who take chances with their health and other peoples’ emotions, and that can apply to gal pals, too.

I am of the opinion that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. I know from personal experience that man needs a woman like a fish needs lucky drawers. One of the beauties of modern society, I hope, is the fact that “need” has been replaced by “want.” I am not all that flattered if you need me. I begin to hear the sound of air being sucked out of a room when that occurs. You wanting me, however, produces a nice warm glow inside.

There are people who are angry that women are closer to that equality mentioned earlier. Today’s haters are not your brothers, your cousins, your boyfriends…

In my experience, the biggest critic of the modern independent woman is yesterday’s woman striving for independence.

The women who were on the front lines, who endured the harassment, the ones who truly struggled for the gains many of you take for granted are ….ed. Here they lay everything on the line and when you achieve some semblance of that for which they fought, do you make us pay? Do you make men grovel? Do you even give them credit?

No.

You are content to take us or leave us. Men have groveled over anything with mammaries since the beginning of time, so there is no fun there. When it comes time to give credit, you treat the fighters of old like thirty something Black professionals treat civil rights leaders.

I have overheard some of the conversations between the two generations, and the struggle now is having the benefactors take advantage of the opportunities hard fought for today while embracing the restraint and concern for public opinion of yesterday.

Young women are telling their elders what men have said for years: “You can’t have it both ways.”

Let’s be honest: men don’t even have the word “skank” in our vocabulary. If it’s loose we love it. Why would we feel embarrassed because you are independent and sexually free?

I cannot do anything about capitalism and the role it plays in women’s oppression. I believe, however, you deserve the same rate of pay under this capitalist system for the same job an equally qualified man does. I do not believe that you owe me anything in regards to how we relate short of the truth. The government should have no more control over your body than it does mine, and the same goes for your significant other. You work for it? You got it coming? Go for yours. You don’t owe me anything and I am thrilled to watch you slay a dragon or two in the name of what you want. can I have an iPhone when you're done?

Tell you what, Babygirl: I ain’t mad at ya. You may want to speak with your aunts, though.

They hatin’.