The Return of Bad Guest Number Two

This was a hard hotel week. As a favor to the lovely ladies I work with, I agreed to cover a shift here or there. Later, upon review of my calendar, I basically found that I agreed to work about 40 hours over 3 days. 7-3 on Friday, from 11pm Friday night -7am Saturday morning, Saturday’s 7am-3pm shift, that night from 11pm-7am the next morning, and finally, Sunday’s 3-11pm shift.

Sometimes I am a bit too motivated by making nice with pretty ladies. Bear in mind, this is supposed to be a side job. As in part time. iTunes money. Wow.

So Saturday night, when I report to work at 11pm, another lovely coworker says, “Hey, Mac, some guy was asking about you.”

Oh. Knuckling sleep from my eyes, I pointed to my creation from the night before, a sign effectively banning Bad Guest Number 3, the pool partier. It shows a mom snoring in one room, while in another, a kid is dancing around a cake next to a pool. A circle with a slash through it covers the whole thing. “We quiet tonight?”

“Yeah. Some women came in with kids, but they saw your sign and left. Mad. Someone said she was going to sue. Another kept asking for you, saying you always let her have parties. Nasty girl. Had her thangs hanging out her shirt. She’s gone. But this guy kept asking for you when I checked him in.”

“Was it our buddy Tim? One of my cousins?”

“No. I know most of the regulars. I have never seen this guy before. He said he’d talk to you when he came back.”

“Oh. Boy it’s quiet. I really hope…”

The front doors slid open and this guy wearing a bunch of gold slid through. He pointed at me.

“My man!”

I don’t remember this guy, but you don’t get into the Hospitality business to be mean. I grinned and gave him some dap.

“How goes it? You’re back?”
“Yeaaaah, Man. I tried to have your girl here get you when I got checked in, but she said you needed yo’ rest. I gotcha. I told her, ‘Baby, go get my guy. The righteous big dude with the glasses. You train yo’ people good here.”

Still lost as to who this guy was, I just grinned and went with some safe conversation.

“Your room OK?”

He looked a little funny. “Yeah. Uh, I’m cool. It ain’t as good as last time, but it’s good. Ya’ll know how to be discreet, so I’ll settle for that. That’s another reason I dig y’all. Let me go tend to this business,” he flashed a grin, “Next time, I want you to look out for me. Your people good, but they ain’t you!”

He was off.

My pretty coworker looked after him. “Man,” she smiled, “I sho’ am happy I work for you. He wants YOU to handle his business next time. Good thing YOU trained ME.”

I have learned, from hard experience, to never, ever under any circumstances articulate or imply you are a Black woman’s boss. Even in jest. Especially if you are not the boss at all. This is a lesson white men have had to learn the hard way. Me, I sidestepped the snare with a question.

“Jan, who WAS that guy?”

“You don’t know?” Having forgotten the implication that I was in charge, now she was back in Big Sister mode. “He acted like he KNEW you.”

“Run him down for me.”

“He came in a couple of hours ago. He comes in saying he stays here all of the time, he and his lady got rid of the baby, he HAS to have a king suite. HAS to. But he needs it for $89.00.”

“That’s crazy. The going rate is forty dollars higher.”

“Mac, I KNOW. He wasn’t trying to hear it. He acted like he was broke, he acted like this was a big chance to make his lady happy. Then he said he knew the owner. He described you…”

“Riiiight…I never play management, owner or anything. I am not trying to own somebody else’s dream. Or in the case of this place, nightmare. This dude don’t know me.”

“ I know, I know. That’s how HE referred to you. I probably would have given him something off of the room, but I caught him looking at my behind in the security mirror. Humph. He’s not that into impressing his girl if he’s doing THAT. I made him pay full price. Nasty man. Looking like a fake Mr. T with all that gold.”

Maybe I know the girlfriend. “Didja see the girl?”

“Yeah. Lil bitty thing. I don’t think she had no baby. I think he’s on game.”

Who is this guy?

“Mac, I know how you always talk about giving people discounts and how they take advantage. This fool paid full price and asked if he could get a discount because he didn’t get a full roll of toilet paper. Toilet paper! Wanted $20 off of his room. Shoot. I told him I’d bring him a roll of unopened toilet paper, but he said he didn’t need it. It was the principle. Then he called later and asked how much would he get off his stay if he didn’t eat breakfast in the morning. Something about he a Muslim and didn’t know if we cooked pork in the same pans we used for the other stuff…I told him he could have some cereal. He said breakfast at a restaurant would be at least $25 for the two of them and he wanted that deducted from his bill…then asked how much of his rate went towards the wireless Internet he wasn’t going to use…”

Ok. Why did he say he knew me?

“He said you gave him a good discount before…”

“Maybe he’s seen me before, but I never met this guy. I never cut anyone a break on the things he is talking about…”

“He called later and said his toilet wasn’t warm enough…Then, just before you came on, asked if we could get housekeeping to clean his room. He’d only been in there since 9! ”

Looking out the window into the drive, I saw an Escalade pull up in back of my Altima. The driver looked vaguely familiar. Why the devil was he wearing shades at night? Followed by a well endowed young woman, the gentleman came through the sliding doors, counting a sheaf of what looked to be hundred dollar bills. He nodded at me and walked past. I heard him whisper, “I know the owner. We good. We don’t even have to check in.”

Jan had her face screwed up in that look. “That nasty thang…where that little girl from two hours ago?” she whispered, before turning to another guest, smiling. “I better not even hear about you associating with somebody nasty like that. Nice man like you,” Jan hissed under her breath.

A few minutes later, he was back. Without his glasses. It was the guy from earlier. He asked if I’d valet his truck. I told him I didn’t drive.

“Successful man like you? Man. If nothing else, you should put some valet in here.”

“How much should I charge for something like that?” I played along.

He grabbed a cup of juice from the breakfast area and headed back up the stairs. “Nothing. Part of the stay, you know? Ya’ll charge baller rates. Thought it’d be a good idea. If you charge, though, you should have them valet me for free. It WAS my idea… Plus, my money funny. I didn’t even get a discount this time.”
Jan looked at me and shook her head. I blocked his calls to the front desk for the rest of the night.