Dex stopped by again today.
I was happy to see him. We only get face to face every so often, but the brother has always been there.
“You have to move,” he told me.
“Why?” We were both standing by my front desk.
“Look…man…”
A young woman who had rented our meeting room for some contract negotiations wiggled by. There was plenty of space. Her wiggle was how she walked.
“She always do that?”
“Been doing it since she got here, Dex.”
“Not too cool with skinny chicks, but those slacks…”
“Yeah. Nice sight. Not too hip with the wiggle though.”
“Really?”
“Nah. The last one I had bounced. Bounce is better than wiggle. She giggled, too. Bounce n Giggle. Sounds like a kids’ store.” I sighed. "Yeah, I miss her."
Dex turned to me, concerned. “How you doing with that?”
“I be OK man. Disappointed. A bit concerned, still. Angry. Hadn’t allowed myself to feel real anger for almost a year. But you know. Every day above ground is a good day.”
Dex nodded sagely. “Well, Ms. Wiggle is too old for me.”
“Yeah. I know for a fact she is ten years over twenty. Plus she has a job.”
“Job sounds nice. Age is a turnoff. Look, I got something I wanna share with you…”
My sister Brenda called me that night to check on J. I don’t know why. I tried to share with her the boys’ plan to assassinate me. She just kept laughing and saying, “You so silly.” She was probably in on it. Assassins need payrolls, and Auntie Brenda ain’t broke by a long shot.
“Dex came by today.”
“Did he now? How is his hunt for coeds over nineteen?”
“He’s not hunting. He’s getting himself together for when he is ready to hunt. He’s lost more weight. Clothes are a wee bit trendier.”
“OK. He still mooning over that girl?”
“Please. This entire exercise is his way of dealing with that situation. This is mooning to the nth degree.”
“Mmm hmm…so what did he want today?”
“I guess he shared his strategy with a friend of his, and she went ballistic.”
What I heard come from Brenda was too cool to be a snort, too funky to be a laugh.
“His response?”
Pause.
“He does not care.”
Now Brenda paused.
“Oh.”
“He, ah, kinda got…cold.”
“Really?”
“He proceeded to tell me that every woman he knows has cheated. Dex made it clear he was speaking of his female friends; he didn’t want to even speculate on intimates. The cute ones. The not so cute ones. The tall ones. The fat ones. The skinny ones. The educated ones. The ones that didn’t finish high school. The sweet ones. He says the sweet, cute ones are actually worse than the mean ones. They really get around, and no one suspects a thing.”
Brenda sighed. “Did Dex ever stop to think, to ask, why these women stepped out on their relationships?”
“Man, I treated him like Bluto in ‘Animal House’. He was rolling. I didn’t interrupt. But he eventually said, you know, why doesn’t matter. If some female came at me with a pipe and I slugged her to save my life, no one cares about why. They care that I hit a woman. Period. Dot. It’s wrong. No exceptions. This is the same. If you choose to be in a committed relationship, you make that choice. You have the other party thinking you are in something exclusive. If you step out, male or female, regardless of the reason, you wrong. Especially if you do it figuring your person will still be there when you come back. He told me about this woman he works with who regularly steps out on her guy. Her attitude, in part, is, well, he ain’t going anywhere. Dex asked if she shared her exploits with her man, and the response: Hell no. He’d leave.
“Dex says such logic has put him in a position where he really does not care what women think. They are going to do what they are going to do, and in many cases, they don’t care about fairness or double standards. They will complain not just when a complaint is legitimate but if they feel it will get them something.”
“I don’t know if I like all of these generalizations, JD. I have never cheated on any man. I am terribly logical and do not stoop to the level of game playing he assumes all women pursue.”
“Agreed. I’m curious Bren.”
“Yep?”
“You do know women like that, right?”
Silence.
“OK. So he is wrong to generalize, but these people exist?”
“I think,” Brenda sighed, “Your friend is still hurting over someone he cared about who was dishonest with him, who manipulated the situation and then when it ended, projected her traits onto him for an audience so he would get some sympathy. I do not think he should indict a gender as a result.”
“Do they exist? Better yet, how many of them do you know?”
“I don’t do those things.”
“You’re avoiding the question, Sis.”
Another sigh.
“OK. So where we are now is this guy has decided to date only young women and where he was once a pretty considerate person his current attitude is one of, Hey, I don’t care what you think, or even how you feel, because you have your own agenda. I have mine. Let me get what I came for and push on. And now I am wondering if your silence cosigns the idea that perhaps he is onto something.”
“You know better.”
“I do. I just hope I never get there. Because this is the LAST person I figured would buy into this, and look…he is there.”
“Sounds like he is headed for Planet Dog.”
“I wonder how many dogs are disappointed romantics? No, I thought about that Bren. Dex’s attitude is abuse he puts out there will come back to him.”
“A philosophical dog?”
“Don’t think so. Again, remember, he has not done anything. These re reflections. He has reached the conclusion, that at least of the women he knows, they only care if you are doing something for them. Whatever it is. Being there so they can cry on your shoulder. Agree with them that life is just so unfair to them. Whatever. He has merely reached the conclusion that if the other team has an agenda, perhaps he should as well. He calls it balance. So he is not out to do anyone harm, but as opposed to always being the guy doing the giving, he wants to reap the fruits of taking, as well.”
“Um.”
“Sadly, I think he may have more success this way. The assholes always manage to get better people and keep them longer than the decent people.”
“Sad, but true. Were there any other nuggets of personal improvement Dexter shared with you?”
I sat up in my chair. I’d been slumping a lot lately.
“You know, he’s been trying to figure out a lot of the ‘why’ lately…”
“OK.”
“He told me about another friend of his. He’s crazy about her. In her corner. Her marriage isn’t working out. Husband is an ass. Kids are grown. She won’t leave. Yesterday, she was complaining and saying she’d do something nice for herself for Valentines Day because she was unhappy about the way he handled it.”
“Which was?”
“He bought tickets to a show and made reservations for dinner.”
“And?”
“She told him she didn’t feel like going.”
“But, if I understand, she was complaining previously about how he never did anything?”
“Yep.”
“And now he’s trying, but to show him, she refuses?”
“Yep.”
“And now she is mad she got nothing?”
“Yep.”
Brenda sighed. “Some of us are our own worst enemies.”
“Dex’s attitude is that sometimes the uncomfortable questions irritate us because they expose the truth. His friend constantly complains she is unhappy. Here is this beautiful woman who looks 10 years her junior with a beautiful personality and she is happy being able to hate this fool she married to who, in Dexter’s opinion, is lucky he got her. She won’t leave. She has shared many similar stories. First the day does not matter. Then it does. Now you mad. Perhaps you just enjoy being angry and there is no better excuse than your person being a fool. It allows you to be mad all the time, and justifiably so. “
“Excellent point. Sad, but true. And before you ask, JD, yes, I know people like that…”
“Dex left me with this story: A man's mother died. Throughout his life, his mother had been kind, his rock, and his support. His father beat him mercilessly his whole life and did everything he could to break his spirit. His mother died. He buried her. His father died, he sobbed uncontrollably and went ballistic. An onlooker wondered why. Well, when his mother was alive, he loved her and did all he could do for her. But when his father died, he had nothing to hate anymore, he had no reason to be angry, and that had consumed so much of his life that its absence greatly disturbed him.”
“Ouch. So do you think Dex will realize his own anger one day and move on from his hurt? Because all of this is obviously stemming from that.”
“I don’t know, Brenda. Where he is now appears to be where he is going to stay for some time. He is intent on not being hurt again, and a lot of this reflection is exposing some ugly things about the women and relationships he’s encountered before. Especially this most recent one. The rose colored glasses are off.”
“That’s a shame.”
“It is, Brenda. The world is short one romantic tonight.”
“That’s a shame.”
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