My Talk with God

I recently asked God to put me on a planet by myself.

God did not get back to me right away. She was busy saving Lovie Smith’s job. She is, after all, a God of priorities.

I was half asleep; listening to my Cocker Spaniel, Bingo, stalk about my bedroom, tags jangling. Bingo suddenly stopped, stood stark still, and sat down.

“Boy,” I was thinking as I was drifting off, “I wish I could make him do that trick.”

“James David?”

“Yes?”

“James David?”

“Uh huh…”

“C’mon, Love. Talk to me.”

I sat up. Bingo was like a statue. Judy Pace was in my bedroom.

“Am I in Cotton Come to Harlem?”

A smile. “No, Baby. I’m here. I had to stop off by the Bears’ facility first. You asked me to do something for you.”

“You are…you can’t be. When I was a child, I thought you looked like my dad in his Marine uniform!”

“I am what I need to be. Little boys like me to look like their heroes.”

“And now?”

“This is how you need to see me for now. You read “The Shack.” What’s wrong?”

“You’re GOD. You know.”

“No, Love. You tell me. I know, but I need to help you understand.”

I did.

“You left out the end, all of the bad things mutually communicated out of pain and misunderstanding. But that’s fine,” she grinned. “Where do you all learn such language? And why do you use the very things you love about someone to try and hurt them? And you know what? Everyone should feel bad when they have hurt someone who loved them, but you all better remember this: there is blame across the board, and people need to stop thinking that what they do for someone excuses bad behavior.
“Sometimes, Love,” she continued, smoothing her skirt, “pain is really a learning tool. When things break down, it is human nature to focus on your pain, and point the blame at that, which caused it.

“Then you beat yourselves up, analyzing where you went wrong. Sometimes this introspection causes you to identify with the person we once felt wronged you. You know what? For all of the logic you people apply to trying to understand these things immediately following, you are almost always dead wrong. Things are often said when someone feels wronged that may be meant, but usually have the intent of making the other person feel as badly as you do.

“Pain takes on different guises. For you? As an intelligent man, pain for you is not understanding. Not being able to accurately predict. But baby, that’s not your job. Only I see around corners. You my dear, see shadows that usually are not there.
“People’s fears usually cause worse problems than their addictions. Some people are addicted to fear. I know you will deal with that.”

I hung my head.

“Someone,” she said, grinning, looking aorund, “may have issues with dishonesty. A lot of smart people do. Someone who believes they are always open to being misled will find conspiracies in a bowl of Rice Krispies. Being lied to a lot makes you feel like you’re stupid, and your reactions have less to do with others than they do your shame at having what you think is poor judgment.

“Now, I created you in my image…one complementary to my own.”

“So, I’m gonna look like Calvin Lockhart or Curt Flood?”

She grinned. “No silly. I made you to be James David. That’s who you are. Flaws and all. I made you loyal, and honorable, and smart and some other things. I also allowed you to choose your experiences, and they made you cynical, suspiscious and someone who has a hard time trusting.

“But most of all? I am proudest that you choose, regardless of your experiences, to love your fellow humans, even though your trust for them is fleeting, at best, and even though you often misread even the slightest inconsistency as a worldwide conspiracy.

“I know what’s bothering you, Baby. One of the most rewarding feelings is when you accept someone for who they are. The greatest human need is to be appreciated, and the foundation of appreciation is acceptance. When someone tells and shows you they just dig you for you, it encourages you to put your best foot forward. When you accept people where they are, you walk a mile on streets of gold.

“You are still human, however. Only I am into total acceptance. You all still have those issues that make you sometimes irrational. Some of you still see those shadows around the corner. Others are still defensive whenever anyone questions them or their motives. Your insecurities and fears, while you must overcome them, are real and usually rooted in something that hurt us deeply, and the things about yourselves which you do not like...

“Perfectly normal and rational things…”

“Like change?”

“Yes,” she clapped her hands happily. “Like, oh, I dunno, like changes to an existing, well supported plan.” She cast me a sideways look and another grin. “These changes may honestly address legitimate concerns. And Baby they may have very little to do with you. Logistics planning isn’t everyone’s strong suit, and sometimes, the vision gets ahead of the capabilities, or the calendar. Now, such a change may seem to have hidden agendas for someone who has had their trust abused. And to a person suggesting that change, their own issues may keep them from clearly explaining why that change is so critical for them to feel safe. They may say a lot of things that make sense to THEM, but fail to say it in a manner understandable to YOU. If none of that is initially expressed, though, it may make someone who has issues with trust and honesty a bit cagey. What’s going on? We all react differently. A defensive person may get cagey about being questioned for details. ‘Why am I being asked this? Why am I getting this type of feedback? Why do I have to give reasons? Isn’t my asking for this change enough? You have accepted me openly and without question so far…why can’t you accept this is not something I am doing to hurt you, but something I need, that I cannot really articulate?

“I allowed you to be enlightened to some things earlier this week. I put some people in your path after everything to walk you through the paces, to make you better understand. To make you see that what was being proposed made perfect sense if you had all of the pieces to the puzzle, some of which were not provided, some of which your fear caused you to ignore. I am sorry you are hurting, Love, but you could not see the forest for the trees because you were blinded by your own fear. Once I had you out of the forest, then I could send people to you to explain why it was changing.”

“Like angels?”

God laughed deeply, richly. “Honey, I have a finite amount of angels, and they are working overtime. You see I’m personally doing calls to save coaching jobs, of all things. Sometimes I have to contract angel work out to everyday people. They have never failed. You’ve done some yourself. You just didn’t know what you were doing at the time.

“So, now that I see these things everything is OK?”

God smiled sadly. “I don’t work like that, James David. I don’t guarantee you all’s behavior. Never have. Baby it will be what it will be and whatever it is, I promise you, it will be good for you. What I can advise you, though, is to stop over thinking things. Stop feeling as if you failed a situation because you were so accepting and when it got tough, you let your fear get the best of you and you stopped accepting. This was really new for you, and there’s a lot of the story that you will never know. You didn’t fail. You didn’t lose that growth you made of acceptance through love. You made a mistake. You did not understand because you let fears built in you by others from the past affect you now. It is what you all do, because I allow you to choose. What I can promise you, if you never knew, is I always do right by you in the end. Remember: You all are responsible for what happens to you. But usually, that responsibility is less than you imagine it is.”

God stood.

“You keep hanging in there. You are almost through. If you could see what I see, you’d be charging towards the future harder than a rabid bull. You have been low, and you stuck it out. Life is already better. It’s just waiting on you to get there.”

She gave me a hug and I broke down like a baby.

“I have to go now. I am denying your request to put you on your own planet because while you can’t see it yet, I so need you here. I have another call to answer on this same issue, believe it or not. No guarantees, Baby, but that I love you. You’re my smart little man, though. You know that’s enough.”

“God?”

“Yes, Dear?”

“You’re not always a woman, are you?”

“Gender is a limitation. I am limitless.”

“And Satan?”

She shook her head ruefully.

“THAT knucklehead. He was a smart one, too. The smartest. I love him, but THAT was one request for isolation that I happily granted…no, Baby,” she shook her head, “that joker is DEFINITELY a MAN!”