Men Talk Back on JD Radio

Welcome to the JD show where what you feel is what we air…I am here this evening with three members of the African American community, Mark, Irwin and a Mr. F. Buford Jones, who are here today to share their frustrations on Black women and relationships.

For the record, it should be known that I am happy that I am in a rewarding relationship. OK, Honey, I said it, now remember we agreed it’d be the Black one tonight....

Howdy fellas!

Mark: Good evening.

Irwin: Hayay!

F. Buford Jones: Sup Nigs (drinking noise).

Irwin: That suit is a nice shade of purple on you. Custom?

F.Buford Jones: Saville Row. Man fitted it direct to my body.

Irwin: Do tell.

F. Buford Jones: Gotta hat that match. With a feather in it.

JD: OK gentlemen. Apparently, you all feel that Black women have gone too far, and that we all need to talk. Is that so?

Mark: We need to just lay out some stuff and put some fallacies to rest. I am running into too many women who believe, for whatever reason, they are super beings capable of dealing and doing everything on the same level as their less refined counterparts.

JD: Now, I will give credit where it is due. Since Black folk were brought to this country, it is the women who have demonstrated the unity, love and frankly, forward movement of our people. I am on record as having stated that Black women were at the forefront of every demand in our history to be treated fairly. I said it Ruqayyah. Remember, you promised. I am not one of these hating brothers on my show who are more interested in truth than experimentation. Please, do go on…

Mark (pushing glasses up nose): The reason they were really good at that, up to say, the last twenty five years, is they were women. They knew where their strengths laid as women, and part of that was working with the men they obviously loved, supported, and yes, controlled. All was good.

JD: They knew their roles?

Mark: Right.

JD: Not that I am endorsing roles. I’m just clarifying. And a role does not necessarily mean you are subservient. OK? Women? I said it. Having a role does not make you subservient. I mean, it's not like saying "Obey" in your wedding vows. Do go on, Mark.

Mark: Then something happened. I don’t know. Something got dumped in the water and a lot of us, of both genders, stopped looking at each other like we were meant to be in the other person’s corner. Women started viewing men as competition and men started viewing women as…something.

Before I go any further, let me make this clear: I am not romanticizing the past. Times were not always good and much of what ails society today was a part of what ailed black marriages and relationships for a long time.

The record, however, speaks for itself. There were more coherent families and we were producing a better class of people before this current “let me get mine it’s all about me” mindset became prevalent. Infidelity always existed, from a man having outside kids to people muttering how a family’s new baby “Sho’ look like the mailman.” Again, just looking at the results, some changes were not for the best.

JD: OK. Well, Irwin, you are looking a bit confused. Care to join in?

Irwin (nervously looking over his shoulder at the male intern): What we now seem to have is men who have basically just reverted to something that exists in every man, but that society and home training forced us to keep under control.

Mark: We have women who are quite open about insisting it is all about them, and who are quite happy to use both their money and the system to fulfill their own goals, one of which appears to be crushing men who were once key in fulfilling the same goals, whether they be marriage, parenthood, or financial stability.

JD: OK, we’ve established some of what you, as men, find frustrating. To our studio audience: Please don’t write me saying my program is stereotyping. I know a bunch of women who appear to have it together who are no good as hell... Well, no, I only know one, she is easily recognized as a streetwalker, and every other woman I know is perfect. They deserve whatever we give them and then more. Why, truthfully, there are NO bad women…except white ones. And the only bad white ones are those that date rich Black men and force everyday sistas to have to marry everyday guys like me, which really shouldn't be their fate…and of course, the ones I had sex with before meeting my honey are evil, too…please continue…

Mark: I know women who are truly out for self and have run over some really decent men because it was “time for a change”, and used what influence they had to stop just short of destroying the same. I know men who have made it clear that if they are going to be relegated to serving as a cog in someone’s machine, they are out for the things they want and will acquire them, regardless of the emotional cost to the other party. They act knowing the system is not on their side, and demonstrate a “take no prisoners” attitude that has left a lot of respectable women devastated.
These perpetrators have justification upon justification for selfish, anti social behavior, and hide behind the collective of their respective genders and a lot of silly logic that may make them feel better, but are not necessarily true. Worse, they are influencing another generation to behave in an even more pitiful manner.

JD: I can dig it. Being honest, what you are, you are going to be. I have yet to receive a petition from one of my three dogs stating, “We are going to be canines moving forward. Please understand this and allow us to do so.” No, they are dogs. That is what they will be. No number of baths will stop my baby Rudy from rolling is as much dirt and dung he can find, nor my main guy Bingo from chasing (and occasionally killing) whatever wildlife annoys him and gets too close. It won’t stop my eldest, Nikki, from being territorial as hell, going up against dogs twice her size over what she figures is hers. She’s the female, though, so it’s OK. Females rock.

Mark (looking askance at JD): So there has to be a certain amount of give and take here, because we are different. Women and men value different things, and the trick, I believe, is in finding what complements who we are, not someone who is going to mirror our images. We have confused ourselves into thinking that what we believe about the opposite sex is what really is. Sadly, it ain’t. The numbers support me on this.

I hear women saying, “Well, if he wants the pleasure of my company, he better pick up the check.”

Irwin: I agree.

F. Buford Jones (lazily): I never pick up a check. I make it clear I ain’t taking my wallet when I leave home.

Mark: Then you overhear this nonsense: “And we better go somewhere I like, and you know I only like the best…And he better not be talking no silliness…and I need blah blah blah…Now, he needs to court me…”

Gentlemen court ladies. Your behavior and attitude do not indicate you are such. You are an opportunist with two X chromosomes.

You crazy. If I invited you, we are going to the nicest place I can afford. I am not going into Chapter 7 to impress someone who clearly, good job, child support checks and buildings inherited from her parents, makes four times my salary. You may want to decide before accepting my invite whether that is an issue for you.

JD: I dunno. I’d go into bankruptcy for my woman, who is at home listening with her momma. I’d go into it twice in 7 years, if I could.

Mark: I know women who want to put fifty million restrictions on their men, but assert that to be independent women; they should have no restrictions but be allowed to use their judgment. Sometimes, this double standard reveals some really bad judgment by these independent thinkers. The kid of judgment that if it were practiced my their man, would have him getting beaten by a golf club as he tried to fell the driveway late one Thursday night.

F. Buford Jones: That was messed up. If he’d laid that pipe right that woulda never happened. And she dumb. You don't brain the golden goose...

Mark: Sometimes, I listen to people basically try to plan how their person can act. As if this is their child.

When women say, “We have to let our men be men”, I laugh. Baby you are sorely mistaken. Any man you have to let be a man truly doesn’t deserve to pee standing up. Any man who is concerned with your opinion regarding his manhood is a fool.

Where your real issue lies is here: a man is going to be who he is. His power lies in whether or not he will be bothered with you while he does.

JD: I would never leave my woman. No matter what. If she orders me around, it’s because it’s good for me. Let’s be honest: Look at how good we have it with our women in control? Emasculated? No. Empowered. THAT should be our battle cry.

Mark: If I find you incompatible because being with you clearly makes me feel like you are trying to compete with me for something that isn’t even in contest, I won’t argue with you. I won’t debate. We ain’t seeing Oprah.

I am leaving you.

“That’s a good woman!” other women will cry.

No, she’s a good woman based on what you thing a man should be. I am a man. I am not interested in caricatures. I am interested in women. That’s a few rungs down from my interest in my child, my household, and me being me.

While your girls may value what you bring to the table, you cannot force me to value those things that, inherently, I take for granted I’m going to do for myself.
You owning your home is beautiful. It’s wise. But it isn’t making me look at you like a good catch. I got my own address. My mother laments to this day how once I left (at 18), my ass was gone. I am not going to value in you, as a partner, something I feel every adult needs to do for themselves anyway.

Irwin: I still live with my momma. She’s my special friend.

F. Buford Jones: Wherever I lay my hat is my home.

Mark: You need emotion and understanding. I need loyalty. We’re Yin and Yang. The minute I start providing what your girlfriends offer, we got issues.

And vice versa.

A lot of time, I hear my female friends gripe that men just aren’t up for dealing with strong women. Man, I hate to tell this to women of my generation, but your strength has nothing on that of our mommas and grand mommas. Your ability to max out your 401K and keep Mercedes Benz’ numbers growing have nothing to do with strength. That’s like me equating my manhood with the number of babies I can create and subsequently abandon. Just because believing that nonsense makes me feel better that does not mean it is true.

F. Buford Jones: Says who? How many shorties you got? It’s a fact a man’s endowment grows with the birth of each illegitimate child. It's a muscle. Grows with use.

JD: What about love? Don’t men have to provide love for their children? After all, the kids ARE the mother’s. The father is just there for the ride. What good is he? I mean, without him, it’s not like the kid woulda been flushed from her system. Fatherhood is about doing what the mother tells you. Mothers really are the only parent that matter, no? I mean, who ever heard of a father setting an example? Where would we be without women?

Mark: I have long believed that motherhood is about love. Fatherhood is about responsibility. If you are doing it on your own, I commend you. But what I am doing when I raise the boy that bears my Daddy’s name is prepping him for the world that will kick his ass one day. You don’t stay down for no entire fight. But a rule of fighting is the other guy is gonna give and take some lumps. My job is to teach you how to take them and give them when it’s time, and walk away feeling you gave your best. There’s not a whole lotta love in that. There is, however, some survival that I believe doesn’t have you living with your momma at 35.

Irwin: But I really like my momma.

Mark: After a recent basketball practice one evening, a mom’s car wouldn’t start. I tried to jump her car, and when it didn’t, I waited with until Dad could get there, despite her assuring me she’d be OK. When we left, I pointed out to J.” You see Dad got in the car that got jumped. He put mom and son in his car.”

“Why?”

“You don’t put your woman and kids at risk. End of story.”

“What if it breaks down on him?”

“If he gets stranded, he can handle it. Part of being a man, boy.”

“Got it. Daddy, me and my wife just both have to have new cars. Cuz it’s too cold to be stranded out here.”

Irwin: I guess that’s one way to work it.

F. Buford Jones: That's stupid. Please. You put her and them other ones to work and they keep YOU in a new car. With roadside assistance.

Mark: Now, I am a firm believer in just doing things certain ways. There are things which I value deeply and I will not deviate from those values. There are other things that other people, especially many of the women that I know, are angry that I won’t change.

Too often, when dealing with my female friends, they want to be assertive, aggressive and downright rude when dealing with men, especially those with less education, money etc. Should they get the same in return, they suddenly want to retreat into womanhood. How could he? I’m a female.

F. Buford Jones: Never happens to me. My backhand is too quick. I make a Pimp Named Slickback look slow. Honestly? Goldie from “The Mack” was modeled on me, and I wasn't even born yet.

JD: Sorry. No matter what we should not disagree with women, and even if she is pointing a gun at you, you never touch a woman. Except when she says it is OK. And even then, double check.

Mark: Women deserve respect as such. But baby, if you come at Marcus like Lamont might, he is going to treat you like Lamont. That’s him being what he is.
I was explaining to a friend recently that men and women, gosh, are very different. As opposed to trying to eliminate those differences, perhaps we ought to celebrate them. Consistently.

Irwin: I don’t know. Some men have a lot in common with some women.

F. Buford Jones: A bitch is a bitch. Male or female.

Mark: If I am out somewhere and there is a bunch of guys, we don’t do a whole lot of arguing. Perhaps it is because from the time we are children, we understand that force is usually all another man respects. Women aren’t like that. They’ll talk about you and your momma, make fun of you, but seldom will it deteriorate into anything physical.

We’re just not like that. I know that if I get into an altercation, once the testosterone starts building, there is a very real possibility someone may die.
That forces me to avoid confrontation unless it is necessary, and to deal with it swiftly.

Irwin: Can’t we just talk?

F.Buford Jones: Dude what the hell wrong with you?

Mark: There is no let me go back and forth with you. As a man, I inherently understand we don’t do that.

Some single moms wonder why they can preach and preach to their sons, but a man says the same thing once, in five words, and it becomes gospel, and the kid adheres.
That kid understands: mom loves me. Dude here may very well put a foot in my ass.

JD: Again, the children are the property of the woman. Any man who ever puts his hand on a child should be sent to prison, where he will become special friends with Pookie the Packer. We’re running outta time guys. Any last words?

Mark: I just want women to realize that we’ve lost some balance, and eventually, a man’s reaction isn’t to argue or deal with your silliness. He’ll leave you miserable and go find someone willing to be part of a team. Nobody is trying to deal with someone who is disagreeable just because they can be. No one wants someone who pushes only for what they want. Husband. House. Kids. Then uses the system to keep the goods but saddle someone else with the bill. You can write all the angry books you want. You are what’s messing you up.

Irwin: Can’t we be friends?

F. Buford Jones (on cel phone) Yeah, Baby, meet Big Daddy downstairs with the car. This was lame.

Irwin: Was that a working girl?

F. Buford Jones: Hell yeah. My bottom babe, and my accountant. Look, I don’t know why ya’ll invite me. I think these broads gon’ be broads. Accept that and be the man you is, and they fall into line. If she can roll with yo' flow, keep her workin’. If not, the name of the game is cop and blow. There’s some other broad out there willing to star. Half these women givin’ ya’ll the flux cuz you lettin’ them. Every one of them that think she running something done had somebody run hard game on them and turn them out. They just doin’ what was done to them, tryin’ for revenge on the weaker they run into. This ain’t rocket science. Be you, be fair, be fierce, and be about that money. Be Internationally Known, Nationally Recognized, and Locally Accepted. I’m Flatbush baby and I’m out.

JD: Well. That was a mouthful. We want to remind my 95% female audience the opinions of the guests are not those of the show and that I personally find anything said against women and general and Black women, who are always right, in particular, offensive.

F.Buford Jones: You got a blooming career in the ministry ahead of you you keep this up. You ever stop to think yo' girl you tryin’ to patronize learned whateva she gon whip on you tonight from a cat that just told it like it is and did him? Perhaps it ain’t them it’s y'all.

Irwin & Mark: Hmmmmm…