Games People Play

Enough about happiness, music and even personal reflection. It’s that time again. Ya’ll know better. I know you do.

Lawyer buddy of mine got a call from another buddy a couple days back. Seems the latter buddy was in lockup. He was arrested at a traffic stop on a warrant for not showing up to court regarding an order of protection. Order of protection was taken out by baby momma, a woman ten years his senior that bore his child fourteen years ago. Suffice it to say the only good thing that relationship produced was a young lady that will graduate from eighth grade next week. By all accounts (including, until recently, this child’s mother), said buddy is a good father. He emotionally and financially invests his time, and exposes his child to the best he can afford. I can personally attest to him giving up his apartment so he could afford to pay this child’s tuition. Medal worthy? No. Bad Daddy? Not in the slightest.

After getting bits and pieces of the story, lawyer buddy asks yours truly to investigate. Writers are naturally nosy and decent listeners.

Meanwhile, in an attempt to get bail reduced so this man can watch his child graduate, lawyer buddy goes to child’s mother. He asks if she will appear before the judge and state the whole thing is a misunderstanding. Mom readily agrees, provided Dad get anger management training, only telephones her regarding their child, and the like. Those of us who know this couple find this suspicious. Dad had little enough romantic interest in Mom when child was born. It is common knowledge their conversations are limited to requests for money and clarification of scheduling. What gives?

After an investigation, the following comes to light: Mom and Dad have been disagreeing over child rearing for the last several months. The daughter’s grades have been slipping this year, and they agreed around the holidays to restrict cell phone use, socializing, etc. They discuss possibly changing schools. They agree, as a team, to tighten up. Dad then calls his mom and sisters and requests they not buy this little cutie any more gadgets, trinkets and toys until her grades improve. Everybody is on the same page.

So it seems. Daughter opts to spend less time with Dad now, where discipline takes the form of history reports and extra chores. It appears Mom is paying lip service to the plan. Dad says take away the computer. Mom says, “Sure”, and then allows the kid on Facebook. This continues for a couple of months until Dad gets word daughter is on MySpace. Sure enough, there she is. Profile pic? Fourteen years old. In her brassiere and boy shorts, smiling for the world. Dad hits the roof. Tells Mom she’s got to stick with the plan. Tells Mom he’s aware the child is limiting her time with him to avoid responsibility. Tells mom this can only lead to disaster.

Mom and Dad argue. Mom calls Grandma, Dad’s mom. She makes it plain she doesn’t wasn’t anyone telling her how to raise her child. She also spells out that she will bad, physical things happen to Dad should he continue to interfere. Who calls someone’s mother with a threat like this? Has female solidarity reached such lows where a woman feels confident sharing threats with another woman regarding her offspring?
Dad is to blame too. Upon hearing of said threats, he should have played by the mom’s rules. Fellas, I know the police take threats from women regarding men a lot more seriously than the other way around, but you gotta get documentation. Men play by hard rules when dealing with each other, but apparently, some situations require you playing by them with women as well. He should have contacted the authorities. Instead, he responded in kind: Something happens to me, I’ma Drew Peterson ya behind.

“Drew Peterson” is not a verb. Drew Peterson is a boob. Using that name as a verb in regards to your baby momma is fodder for her getting what? An order of protection. Dummy.

Mom gets the order of protection. The two of them start getting along again. When the court date for the order comes around, mom calls dad and tells him not to worry about showing up. She is going to skip court and the order will be dismissed. Instead of calling Lawyer Buddy, Dummy (my new name for him) takes her word for it. He doesn’t go to court. Of course, you know where she was that morning. The order was upheld and a warrant sworn out for his arrest for missing court.

Back to the present. We have a graduation fast approaching. The court mandated anger management makes no sense. If it was a misunderstanding, why the anger management courses? Fellas, wake up. Now it’s documented that you have an anger problem, even if you do not, and the next time this unstable woman gets angry with you, the cops will know you’ve been to anger management therapy.

Sadly, Dummy is considering taking such a plea just to get out of the can and attend the graduation, from which he may be barred from attending, anyway. Even sadder, the women in his family, whom he has supported, raised and helped educate, are siding with Mom on this matter. They feel that perhaps he could be nicer and shouldn’t interfere in the way his child is raised. That’s pretty much a quote. I was there. Naturally, most of them have unsuccessful relationships with men as well, and figure the court getting one man is getting them all. Even if you need five hundred bucks from that one you sold out next week.

Women: the law cannot force someone to respect you. Truthfully, you have to make better decisions as to with whom you chose to share intimacies. Chances are he was disrespecting you before you began sleeping with him. To get angry after the fact and attempt to get at him through the child or the courts is only a waste of resources and a showcase of your pettiness.

Men: learn when you are dealing with a hostile party and act accordingly. If you know your child’s mother is vindictive, keep the conversation to a minimum, document everything, and save your money. You’re gonna need a lawyer, and they aren’t cheap. In the end, though, you are better off spending the money and letting the other party know you are willing to embrace the system, not work around it. Eventually, the other party gets the message.


This is silly. We may not choose have the best relationship with a person, but we owe it to our children to not play petty games and work together. I am tired of seeing decent people railroaded because a party scorned wants to use the system to salve their conscience of bad judgment. I’m tired of people watching the game their whole life and not learning how to make it work in their favor. Ya’ll know better.