Beauty and Reality: Ya'll Know Betta

I had another post in mind…Something to do with employer fairness, double standards, and the like. I’ll have to write that one later. There is something that is on my mind that I think bears mentioning.

I read somewhere that Michele Obama is becoming the new standard of beauty. I think that’s wonderful. I remember regularly seeing our First Lady when she was an executive with the University of Chicago Hospitals, and I agree: she’s a looker.

I am starting to question this logic, however, that the standard of beauty for Black men is the thin, brown paper bag or lighter straight hair having…I dunno. I guess the Halle Berry type. I mean, to Hollywood, that is appealing, probably because Hollywood is run by rich old men in love with their fantasies, and Halle is a safe fantasy if you want a Black woman and you are a hundred year-old man.

I’ve been a Black man for 37 years…I have been attracted to women the same amount of time. I have worked in the halls of corporate America, our country’s classrooms and behind the front desk of a hotel or two. I have come to realize, regardless of what the militants say, regardless of what the angry sistas who scare more men than they attract proclaim:

In real life, brothas ain’t chasin’ Beyonce. They gettin’ down with Oprah.

It’s not an “I can’t do any better let me just do her and get over…” thing, either. My guys don’t discuss such things, but polling the women I have seen many of them with…I mean, involved with, respecting, and loving, it is the darker skinned big hipped thick behind easily bursting out of the D cup woman. I can tell when I run into these folks: they’re happy. He’s happy. She’s clearly the one in charge. This doesn’t look like exploitation to me.

Sometimes, I think we allow ourselves to buy into what folk are saying from their soap boxes without questioning their agendas. Many female friends who ask me, “Why can’t I find anyone?” are more willing to attribute their situation to something physical (“I’m too dark…I’m not skinny enough…”) than some obvious truths they’d rather not face (“…I think I should be somebody’s momma…I have the personality of a wombat…I over value my vagina as if every woman walkin’ ain’t got one…”). I cannot speak for the younger guys, but a lot of us who’ve done the whole grown folks relationship thing are not as shallow as you’d like to think. Believing those things may make you feel better, but that does not make them true.

Guys may not talk about it, but actions speak louder than words: The same sistas everyone thinks Black men regard to the bottom of the ugly pile are the ones we’re loving, marrying, and crying when they leave. Label it as some sick psychological attachment to our moms or just liking what we like. Tall. Short. Fat. Skinny. Broke and ballin’ outta control, in real life, the same type of Black woman other Black women are being told is undesirable is the same one guys want. Don’t believe me? Go to the Park West in Chicago sometimes and see well dressed guys of all types grooving with women who would never make the cover of Cosmo and are only seen in Ebony during Black History Month.

Even the most recognized Black woman in the world don't fit the Hollywood standard. Seems she found an OK guy, and I know from personal expereince, she's tall, and not what many once figured movie star quality.

Before buying into what some confused dude has to say about female beauty, or what some woman who is her own worst enemy has to say about what Black males like, do yourself a favor.

Look around.