Children & Religion

Divorced parents face issues regarding their child that married parents may not give a second thought. One issue for my family is that of religion. I am a practicing Catholic. My ex wife is not. Although she sees fit for both of her children to attend a local Catholic school and benefit from what it provides, she is quite anti-Catholic. She is not anti-Catholic tuition discount, which my parishioner status provides her daughter. That is another story.

Last September, I made it clear that I wanted our son to take Catholic instruction. I asked if this would be a problem. In fairness, I had asked this question throughout the summer, and when I again asked immediately prior to registration, I performed a money favor for her to ease things along. I am a Chicagoan. She readily agreed to my proposal, provided she was not responsible for paying any fees or transporting him to any sessions. We had a deal.

I approached my then 8 year old and informed him he would be taking Catholic instruction.

“Why? Baptist is better.”

“Have you ever been to a Baptist church?”

“Once, when my gran’ma took me.”

“So, how can you compare?”

“I have to attend mass at school all the time. It’s boring.”

“But quick. You’re doing this.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve been in a Catholic school all these years, I am Catholic, my family is Catholic, I care about your spiritual development, and that’s the way it is.”

Dejected. “Oh.”

“Most of your friends are Catholic.”

“Yeah…”

“And you get gifts when you have your first communion.”

“Bibles and stuff?” Not much of an impression there.

“In addition to the hundred bucks I’ll give you for going through it.”

Catholic instruction went off without a hitch.

Mom did not make it to the baptism. She only made it to first communion because I badgered her. She does not like organized anything, and organized religion is topmost on that list. She arrived at the church fifteen minutes into the service, refused to sit with the family, and disappeared immediately afterwards, avoiding photos with the priest, my family, and our son on his day.

I sent her a text when I realized she was missing. “Why did you leave? The boy is looking for you!”

Response: “I’m not Catholic!”

I looked to see if the parish had finally pulled down those “Catholic Cameras Only” signs. They were nowhere to be found. The priest’s brother in law who sold the Catholic cameras must have moved on to richer parishes.

Later, she called to inform me that upon getting him home, she told my son that she did not believe in organized religion, and quizzed him if he was fully aware of what he had just done.

I grew angry as she explained her belief that kids should choose their own religion. Most of us, I countered, are whatever religion our families practice until we are old enough to make our own decision.

She then explained she did not believe in Catholicism.

But your daughter is in a Catholic school? Our son is in a Catholic school? What do you not agree with?

I was really getting heated until I remembered the thinking patterns of my child.

“He’ll be back with me in a couple of days, “I said, “I won’t mention it in our nightly calls, but he and I will talk about it then.”

I fell asleep kicking my covers and laughing my head off. Kids have their own way of seeing things. Of this I was sure.

That Wednesday, after school, we sat at my parents’ kitchen table as my boy ate his ice cream and asked, “Daddy, is being Catholic a good thing?”

“Son, finding God is a good thing. This is how one part of your family chooses to do it. It is not the only way, but it is a way that has worked for us.”

“Oh. Because Mommy said that being Catholic was bad. She made it sound like I had done something wrong.”

“Really, Baby? What did you think?”

“Well, I thought about all the money I was supposed to get for communion. Don’t forget,” menacing stare, “you promised me a hundred bucks. Anyway, when I started to add it all up, I figured being Catholic could get pretty profitable.”

Oh.

“Dad?”

“Yeah, man?”

“Don’t forget my hundred bucks. And I know there are gifts for confirmation, too.”

I think the communion take was $600. Not counting my “bribe.” I am running a bit behind but intend to clear it up before Father’s Day. Perhaps the weekend before.

Late that night, I pleasantly endured another tongue lashing from Mom. I calmly reminded her that she agreed he could take instruction. I also reminded her that he was free to pursue whatever religion she thought would enrich his life.

“I don’t do that.”

“OK.”

“I mean, really, James, what do you think, being Catholic, he is going to start practicing?”

I laughed, again knowing my child. “Capitalism. He’ll be just fine.”